Final year ,
the worst year in my life. Day by day our fight kept on increasing. I deleted
my orkut account.I was saying everything to Gita. As our campus interview was
near, she asked me to concentrate on that. I was engaged in project and
placement work, so I couldn't talk with him properly, sometimes I cant give
company to him for lunch. But whatever work, he always had time for me. I don’t
want to hurt Gautham by saying like coming late to home, talking with Sanjay,
hanging out with friends, not spending time with him more than what he
expected. So I started lying to him. But I felt very guilty to do that,still it at least reduced the fight happening between us.
Sanjay
became my good friend. He is so friendly . I always talked about Gautham only
to him. I never told about my fight with Gautham because of him. I asked Sanjay
not to say about our friendship to anyone. I hid my friendship with Sanjay from
Gautham. But as we were together in placement more rumors started to spread in
college that we are in love. But I didn't even mind that because my Gautham was
believing me and that’s enough for me. Still he was so angry about this, he doesn't want to hear anything wrong about me and always advised me not to talk
with him. By god’s sake placement got over soon and we got placed in good
MNC’s. Then final exam .We started to prepare for that. Project review also got
over. But unfortunately my dad was transferred to Mysore. He went there before
us and told us to come there after my exams got over. So my mom booked tickets
the next day to my final exam. I planned to say my love to Gautham on my last
day of our college.
Afternoon 2
to 5 was our exam. I choose beach to say my love to him because that is where I
found my love on him first time. I said to him to meet me after exam. I gave
one gift(watch) to him and asked to open after some time and we caught train
and it was crowded, after some station I got place to sit, Gautham was standing
some what away from me. Sanjay texted me and I started to chat in mobile with
him. As Gautham was away from me he didn't notice that. Sanjay knows that I am
going to propose Gautham. So he was encouraging and advising me.
We reached
beach and sat in the same place. This was the moment I was longing since I
found I have fallen in love with him. I didn't prepare anything anyway even if
I prepare it wont work. I never thought what if rejects me or if he ends our
friendship. The only thing I was thinking is I need to say my love and
everything which I have been hiding from him so far . It may be a wrong
decision but I need to say it today.Next day early morning train for me to Mysore. I don’t want to carry this love with me alone, I want to share it with
him. My heart was beating very fast.I felt very nervous to say the three words
and my mind was fully filled with the memories of days we were together.
‘ Whom you
were msging in train’ He interrupted. ” I always lied to him in phone but not
to his eyes. But if I lie to him now then everything will be fine. My last lie
to him.Is that right? No… I don’t want to start this relationship with a lie. “
I thought.
‘Its Sanjay
’ I murmured.
‘I didn't hear it, say properly’ his tone was rude. I know he heard what I said.
I raised my
tone‘ Sanjay.’ He was silent. I can feel his temper. I was speechless. The
mistake is mine so I don’t want to argue with him . I waited for him to speak.
But he didn't tell a word after that.
‘I am sorry
Gautham.’ I apologized but I know this is not enough. He was still silent. I heard a beep sound from my mobile, before I saw the mobile, Gautham plucked it
from me. He opened the msg. He went to peak of anger after seeing that msg. He
handed the mobile to me. My fate played there. It was Sanjay.
“ Sorry
Harini, I got some work ya , so only I couldn't reply yo. Ok you continue da. Don't worry dear. Everything will be fine. Msg me after you come to home.Waiting
for ur msg. ” The end of my life.I was worrying how I will say my love to
Gautham. So only he messaged like this but this is the first time he is msging
with dear. He knows that I wont like if anyone calls me dear or anything of
that kind other than Gautham. But I don’t know why he messaged me like this but
that is not important now I want to talk with Gautham about this. I saw Gautham
but he turned his face. He got up and started to walk away from me. I too got
up and started to walk behind him.
‘ Gautham
please listen to me. Come and sit with me for 5 mins I will explain everything
to you’ I requested him but he never listened me. He kept on walking.
I held his
hand, ‘Please Gautham, I am really sorry .’ He took off my hands.
‘What do you
want me to listen? You talk with anyone, I am not going to care.’ He shouted.
‘ Sorry,
what ever it is we can sit and talk, everyone is seeing us ’
‘I am not
caring about others Harini. You enjoy with him. He became more close and
important to you than me. You are allowing him to put “dear”and all. I dono
still for what and all you allowed him.’
‘Why you are
talking this much mean? You are doubting me with him?’
‘I cant make
you to understand anything Harini. I mean in msgs. You always think in wrong
way only, You did the mistake and you are shouting at me now.’
‘ Ok sorry
Gautham leave it. We will sit and talk. I don’t want to ruin this’
‘ Ruin what?
Your friendship with him? Huh… how many times I told you to stop talking with
him, have you ever listened to my words? always arguing…You
said you are
not talking with him. How many days you lied to me? But he is messaging like
this, With out …………………….. ’ He shouted. Everyone was watching us. We came to
the end of road. Even though the mistake was mine I cant reduce my voice even
because his words were too hard to hear.
‘You always
wanted to end the fight with happy mood, so for you only I will smile at end
the conversation. But you never thought about me and how I was, after the
fight. Daily I used to cry only. In anger you will pour more harsh words but I
have to forget everything and have to start the next day by talking with you
normally. I cant do that and if I say to you also you wont listen. I have
undergone more stress because of our fight, to reduce that only I hid
everything from you. Today only he messaged like that. He knows that I don’t
like this kind of msgs .’
‘ You are
talking well. Have you ever said about this problem to me? Don’t judge me. I
want you to sleep happily that’s why I always asked you to leave the fight and
talk something else. If you say only I can understand the problem but you never
said to me anything. You ruined my trust in you. Mistake is yours don’t blame
me in this.’
‘ When you
believed me Gautham? How many times you asked whether I’m talking with Sanjay
or not. You believed mobile network than me. Its my mistake only I cared about
you more than me. I thought about your happiness than mine. I am saying I was
so stressed but you are not caring about that also.’
‘Yeah I
asked many times because my friends used to say that you were talking with each
other. But I will say to them that you are not talking. But what they said only
is true. I am mad. I believed you like a blind. I was useless. I quit.I think I
am a disturbance between you guys. I am sorry. He is waiting for your msgs. Msg
to him.’ He said very angrily and threw my gift and my phone away and started
to walk.
I couldn't hear those words, My Gautham saying that I am loving someone else?Tears were
rolling in my cheeks, I couldn't believe that, so I asked him again ‘ Do you
think… I……. a……am …. Lo.. loving him? Do you believe…….. what others saying
is…….. true? ’ I couldn't say that words also. But now I want to hear only one
word from him “ NO”. If he says that I will even forget all the harsh words he
poured on me. Please Gautham, turn back and say it my dear.
He stopped
to walk, he didn't see my eyes, I was seeing his back.
‘ I also
don’t want to believe that till now. But the way you are behaving these days
makes me to believe. At least be true to him.’ He said and walked. He didn't turn back and he wont also.
What I can
do except crying, everyone was seeing me, but I cried like I was the only
person in the world. Yeah I was alone only……………………….
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