My mouth
only lied to him. I can understand how it would hurt him but what I can do.
With heart full of pain I entered in to home. I spoiled everyone’s mood too. I
called my mother-in-law to my room.
‘I am sorry
aunty. I only spoiled the whole thing.’
‘Its ok ma,
I know about him. Don’t worry about that dear. You just console him. Where he
is? ’ she asked.
‘He went to
petrol bunk.’ I lied to her.
‘You take
rest for some time.’ she patted in my cheeks and went to hall.
I sat in my
room. My thought fully around on him. He himself said that he didn't marry me
with love. He also did for compulsion only. This marriage is causing trouble
for everyone. With in two months I will get transfer for sure, after aunty and
his relatives return to their home I will move to Shalini’s home. I am not
having strength to break my heart again. My each word is hurting him. I am not
good pair for him. After his sister’s marriage I will apply for divorce.
Phone
ringed.
‘Harini.’
‘Coming
aunty.’ I went to hall to pick the call.
‘Hello’ I
answered.
‘Is this
Gautham’s home?’ some unfamiliar voice asked
‘ Yeah, who
is this?’
‘May I know
who are you?’
‘I am his
wife.’ First time I am saying this word.
‘Ok madam.
He met with an accident.’
‘What? What
happened to him?’ Tears flooded in my eyes.
‘Can you
come to hospital now?’
‘What
happened to him, please say, pleeeeeeeeeeeeease’ That was the last word I
talked. I fell down unconscious , something hit on my hand.
I opened my
eyes in hospital. Divya (His sister) was sitting near me. She looked like
shadow to my eyes. I couldn't hear what she was asking to me properly. Only one
person was filled in my thought, its my Gautham. I closed my eyes again.
Please
Gautham come back to me, I need to say my love to you….
‘Harini, I
am here.’ It is Gautham voice I turned to look at him. He was standing with
white shirt and blue jean. We were in beach. The same place where I chosen to
say my love. I went near to him. I slapped him and hugged.
‘Why you
left me?’I cried in his arm.
‘I am sorry
Harini.’ He hugged me back.
‘No need to
ask sorry, Mistake is mine. I shouldn't have msged him. Boys show their love by
possessiveness only. I was blind I didn't see that. I am sorry Gautham, please
don’t go away from me again. I too come with you.’
‘Sure my
dear. But you not yet say that three words to me.’
I smiled and
got out from his hold. I sat in the sea shore.
‘If you sit
near me only I will say.’ I said.
‘ Get up.’
He said in serious tone.
‘What
happened Gautham?’
‘Harini
please open your eyes.’ He pleaded.
‘My eyes are
open only, are you alright Gautham?’ I got up and touched his cheeks. But he
hold my arm and shaken me. Beach changed in to hospital. The place I was
sitting changed in to bed and I was leaning on that. But Gautham alone was
standing in front of me. I struggled to keep my eyes open. Its Gautham with
some bandages in his hands and head. But he is alive.
‘Are you
ok?’ I managed to speak.
‘ Ya. I am
ok. How are you?’ He asked very caring, he was very sad for me.
‘Hmm good.
What happened to you?’
‘Everything
is ok now, you just take rest. I am going to see doctor. Divya be with her.’ He
said and moved.
Before he go
out of the room he turned and saw. This is enough for me. How I felt when they
said he met with an accident. I felt like my life is empty. I couldn't see my
future. I forgot to breathe also. After I met him only, I found the meaning for
my life. He was making my each seconds and I lived in that. Even we fought, he
was with me and I was happy for that. For ten mins fight, I ruined my 4 years
of life. His presence makes my life beautiful. I was mad, I should have called
him at least once in that three years, he wont call me even if mistake was on
him and I know that also, then why I didn't call him. All because of my ego,
for this I lost my life. Three years I was lifeless but I never understood he
is my life and everything what I wished for. I would have screamed or came out
of that place when he tied knot to me during marriage but why I couldn't do
that? How stupid I was, the love didn't destroy in my heart but it got
increased only. I made myself to believe that I hate him. My heart was not two
parts, its only one part and its for Gautham alone. Even if he shouts harsh
words, doubting me or going away from me, I will love him. Even if he go out
from me thousand times, my love on him never decrease, I completely in love
with him. when he said that “at least be true him”, I should have slapped him.
I could understand now why I got night mares its not because I hate him its
happened as he was not with me. Three years how I lived without him, when this
life itself not enough for me. I only, know about him. I am not going to say my
love. I am not his friend to propose him and became her lover. I am his wife,
he don’t have any other choice than living with me. I know how to handle him,
if I said only it means that, I am loving him? No, let my love be unsaid. I
will make him to love me. Now only I feel like I am living my life. He is very
stubborn person, if he thought he would have stopped the marriage, but he
also didn't do it. He shouted me in road, told story , first time talked lovely words like
hold my hand, but he did everything in love or he still thinks me as best
friend? What ever it is I need my Gautham back.
‘What
happened to him yesterday?’ I asked Divya.
‘He dashed
in tree Anni. Just some scratches, nothing else. But you only after heard half
of the sentence fell down and got muscle contraction in your hand. That much
love, huh.’ She smiled.
Muscle
contraction? Oh my god, Yeah, big bandage in my hand. My leg also paining. To
understand my love on him I need this.
‘ No’ I said
and smiled. Gautham came inside and asked her sister to go home.
‘ How are
you now?’ He asked.
‘ Will you
ask this five mins once?’, if I talk in lovely tone then he will rule me. I
wont allow it this time. I will teach him to talk in lovely voice.
‘Because of
you only I bumped in tree. You cursed me. ’
‘Do you
think I don’t have any other job other than cursing you? I got big wound than
you.’ I said.
‘You acted
too much, so only fell down. Cant you hear what they saying fully?’He said and
remained silent.
Two weeks passed,
my pain got reduced, he was completely alright. Gautham said that he would take
care of me and sent his family to his native to take care of marriage work. I
said everything to shalini, she asked me to come to office as soon as possible.
In these days, I maintained the same relationship with Gautham. He was so
sweet, he did all work for me. He cooked, cleaned the home, arranged my things,
some time he combed my hair also. Even there is no work, I will make him to
work. Because then only he will come out of his room as he was doing office
work in his PC ,otherwise he will ask me to see TV and will go inside. Days
passed I was completely alright. Gautham was not happy about my idea of going
to office but I convinced him some how.
Office………
‘How are you
dear?’ Shalini hugged me and asked.
‘I am so
good, I need to talk to you Shalini, I want him back. I want to talk and share
everything with him like I did in college’ I pleaded her.
‘Sure dear.
Come with me.’ She took me to her cabin. She opened goggle page and typed “How
to get close with boys ”.
‘Shalini,
are you playing with my life? For this only you asked me to wait? You are still
in childhood. This kind of stuff never works. Believe me.’
‘Harini,
just listen to me. You know I came to know that my boy in love with me by this
way only.’
‘Very good
shalini, congrats, but don’t involve me in this.’
‘Ok cool
down. You tried to say your love in your way, but it didn't work, now try my
idea. Even if it is working or not, he is your husband. ’
‘ Is it? Ok
I will accept but I will give you only 5 days. But if anything wrong happened
then I will kill you.’
‘Ok dear.
First find whether he is still in angry on you or not? ’
‘He is not.
I am sure about that.’
‘Ok then we
need to find whether he is having feeling for you.’
‘Are you
repeating what I am saying? Soon start it.’
‘Do what I
am saying each day and say how he is reacting.’
She keep on
saying many ideas and advises, slowly I heard everything. She asked to start
the test from next day. I came to home. He was sitting and working in his lap
top.
‘How is your
work? Did you feel any pain today?’ He asked.
‘No,
everything is fine. What about you?’
‘Good. Next
week, our college alumni meeting. I got mail’
When he
mentioned about his college many thoughts came to my mind. I totally forgot
about my college. I forgot my friends also.
‘Are you
still having contact with your college friends?’ I asked.
‘Yeah, they
are my friends always. Are you not in contact?’
‘No, not
even one.’
‘Even to
Gita?’
‘No, I
talked with her before I start from Chennai and that is the last time.’ I said
and went inside. He too didn't ask me anything after that.
Next day I
got up freshly. She already told me what to do.
DAY 1:
I invited my
co-worker (wanted) to home to do remaining office work. I entered home along
with him. Gautham eyes became wide. I hid my smile. He stared at me
continuously. I sat with Ajay(Co-worker) in dinning table and opened my lap
top. I know Gautham was seeing me but I didn't even look at him. He got up from
sofa and came near me.
‘Harini’ He
called me.
‘What?’ I didn't look I was still seeing my laptop.
‘Come to
room , I want to talk to you.’ He said. He was so angry but I was so happy. I
wanted this only.
‘I am
working Gautham. I will talk to you later.’ I said but now also didn't see him.
He was staring me and Ajay.
‘You go and
talk with him, I will take care of this.’ Ajay said. I saw Ajay and went to
room.
‘What
Gautham? ’ I asked like I don’t have interest.
‘Why the
hell you are getting him to home? Ask him to go or I will say.’ He said. How he
was getting anger, so cute.
‘Three weeks
I put leave because of you only Gautham, now I didn't finish any work and I
don’t have any other option than this. I cant ask him to go and don’t interfere
in my things.’ I looked down, if I see his eyes I will say “ Ok dear surely I
will send him out.”
He stared at
me for some seconds and went.
I sat with
Ajay and continued my work. Gautham head turned fully to our side. He increased
TV sound and talked loudly in phone, but nothing worked.
‘Harini , I
am so hungry, go and do cooking.’
‘I am busy,
You cook for all.’ His temper became more when I said “for all”.
I got msg
from him.
‘If you didn't send him , I will throw him out for sure.’
‘Understand
Gautham, I have lot of work to do.’
‘I am also
working in software field only, you say what I have to do, I will do that , Send
him with in 5 sec.’ He replied back
‘Ok’
I can
understand how possessive he is on me but at the same time he doesn't want to show it in front of third person as I would feel. He doesn't want to repeat the
mistake. Day 1 ends in happy mood.
DAY 2:
Today my
work is little bit difficult and I was little bit nervous also. Its about 11’O
clock. Gautham was in his room. I went to his room.
‘Gautham’ I
called him.
‘Hey you didn't sleep yet. ’
‘No,
actually I saw ghost movie in my laptop, now I cant sleep alone.’ I lied.
He got
tensed,‘ First delete all ghost movies from your laptop. Even if I say you wont
hear. Sleep here.’ He moved his things and cleared bed for me. I got success in
my half of the plan. I leaned on bed and put blanket on me.
‘Don’t close
face with blanket.’ He insisted. I removed from face and closed my eyes and
pretending like I was sleeping. After some time I got up.
‘What
happened?’ He asked.
‘Switch off
light, I cant sleep.’ I said. I know he was doing his office work but late
night working is not good for health, right?
He closed
his laptop and switched off the light and slept near me.
‘Shall I
sleep here daily?’ I asked slowly.
‘Sure’ He
said. My remaining plan was success too.
We slept
together and at one point I opened my eyes. He was in deep sleep. I hold his
hand and moved near to him (This is not in plan actually) and closed my eyes.
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