I wanted his
warmth, care and love till the end of my life. I was dying to spend every
second with him. I want him to be with me in my every ups and downs. Its like
in my world he is the only person. He is the person who loves me for what I am.
Whatever I do he likes me. Though he wont express anything to me,I could feel
how much he wants me with him. I felt like I have born to love him. I don’t
know whether he loves me or not but I’m completely in love with
him,madly..badly..deeply!!
I told about
my love to Gita.
‘I know, you
will fall for him one day’ She giggled.
‘ Shall I
say to him?’ I asked.
‘ What if he didn't accept you?’
‘What
happened to you? In starting itself you are saying like this.’
‘ Hey Harini
he loves and cares you a lot but we cant conclude that this is love.’
‘Ok..What do
you want me to do now?
‘ Wait till
our college gets over. You guys get job first then you say to him, Don’t hurry
up this’
‘Hmm ok
Gita, Will he love me?’
‘You are
good match for him, surely he will accept you. In mean time, try to know whether
he is seeing you as friend or as life partner’
What she
said was true only, I agreed with her and hid my love from him.
He started
to care me more, he always thinks about my safety for that we used to fight a
lot.He became more possessive on me, even if I talk to any boys his face reaction would change.
In final
year, I was totally under his control. Time was not enough for me to love him.
So after college we used to hang out and go to home after 8 only. I said to my
mom that I am preparing for campus interview with Gita, so she wont ask
anything. He took home with his friends so daily he will drop me near my home.
My school friends and college friends started to ask me whether I forgot them
because he became the only person I texted and talked. He don’t like if I talk
about
other boys.
If we hang out he would get my cell and have it in his pocket because he doesn't like, if I msg to anyone while I was with him.
My class
coordinator put me and sanjay as in charge for placement, so most of the time
I have to be with Sanjay in college. Sanjay tried to talk with me about his
love interest on me but I would change the topic. But at one point of time I
said to him about my love on Gautham because I don’t want to hurt him. Sanjay
is very good boy and I have not seen him flirting with other girls.
Gautham doesn't like as I was with Sanjay. He asked me to drop this work but i didn't listen to him. I talked and tried to console him about this matter, he would
agree at that time but after sometime again will start this matter.
Our love on
each other increased rapidly, so as the fight between us. If possessiveness and
expectation get increased then it would result in fight only. Even if he starts
the fight I will be the first one to cut the phone and switch it off. He argued
mostly because of his possessiveness. He cant control it. We started to argue
for everything but what ever it is he will finish it in happy note before we go
to bed. Even he was in peak of anger, if I cry he would melt like ice and start
to console me. In beginning, I cried to make him to stop the fight but as days
passed, I cried really. His possessiveness overcame his care on me.
My friends
planned to go to mall, they asked me to come. I texted Gautham about this, he
called me immediately.
‘When you are
going?’ He asked me.
‘Today
evening.’
‘ When you
will be returning?’
‘I don’t
know the time, they just said the plan’
‘All your
friends coming with you?’
‘Yes’
‘Ok then go,
but come before 8’
‘ Are you
playing? Evening only we are going how can I come to home that much soon?’
‘Then you
guys go soon to mall.’
‘Do you want
to change the whole plan for me? I cant do this.’
‘Why you are
always doing like Harini? Am i asking you not to go? I am saying don’t be late.
Come home soon, What’s wrong in that?’
‘Everybody
will be with me, don’t worry about my safety. ’
‘Don’t talk
like you know everything Harini! If you want to spend time with them go in
morning itself, why always going in night?’
‘Don’t treat
me like child, ok, I know what I am doing, Stop your advice, I will come at 10
only.’
‘If you can
come at least before 8:30 , you go or don’t go . ’
‘9:00?’
‘8:30’
‘Ok , I will
try’
‘I will call
you at 8:30, You should be in home’
‘ You will
never allow me to do anything happily?’
‘Yeah I
don’t like if you are happy! You will never understand what I am saying Harini.
Its not safe, you enjoy full night, if I am with you.’
‘For
everything you say this, you spoiled my mood, bye’ I cut the phone.
I know if I
am with him nothing will happen to me but its my ego, which never, to accept
the fact. I want to be independent, as I lived in hostel no one will question
what I am doing or order me what I should do. From childhood, I grew up like
this so I felt difficult to change suddenly.
Then I went
to mall and enjoyed with my friends and started from there as soon as possible
so that I would be there in home at 8:30, but my fate played there. It was full
traffic jam. He called me and asked where I was and cut the phone. Before I
reach, he called me more than ten times. After I reach home, my mom started to
talk something about her relative. I sat with her then went to my room, my
inbox was flooded with his msgs and missed calls. I called him immediately.
‘Gautham, I
reached home.’
‘Ok refresh
and talk.’
‘Are you
angry on me?’
‘You refresh
and talk’
‘Please
Gautham, talk now.’
‘ Cant you
even msg me that you reached.’
‘My mom was
talking with me’
‘Will it
take two mins to type the msg? Don’t look for reasons Harini. Ok whatever,you
refresh and talk.’ He cut the phone. Next day was my birthday, I don’t want to
start my birthday by fighting with him. So I refreshed soon and called him.
‘Hmm say’ He
told.
‘Still angry
on me?’
‘Can you
talk something else?’
‘ Had your
dinner?’
‘Hmmm ya’ He
said. For everything he answered in one word. Time was nearly 11. I need to
finish this fight with in one hour. So I started ‘ If you are angry just scold
me but don’t talk like this. Its hurting’
‘What do you
want me to say? I am only spoiling your happiness’
‘Please
Gautham don’t take things seriously if I say in anything in anger’
‘Why you
wont take the things seriously and fight with me?’
‘Oh! You
will do what ever I do? Tit for tat?’
‘You are
really crazy Harini, you never understand what I am saying always take it in
your own way ’
‘ Always blaming
me only for everything.’ We started to fight on and on,one leading to the
order.Near 12, he cut the phone in peak of anger. I threw my phone. But within
five mins I picked the parts and switched on my cell and waited for his call. I
wanted him to call me first. I don’t want to miss his call, I kept the cell
inside my hand and waiting to see his name on my cell. Each second moved like
hell. I can wait for the entire life for his call but not this time. At 12,all
my friends called me and wished. But I was longing for his wish only. Tears
were wetting my pillow but no response from him. My ego doesn't allow me to
call him. Five mins
once I saw
my cell. I don’t know when I slept and got up at morning. Saw my cell
immediately,2 missed calls from him and one msg. “ Sorry Harini, I was trying
to call you but at 3 only I got the line, but you didn't attend, I think you slept. Seriously I didn't do this with any intention. Happy birthday my dear.”
But I was
not happy. The moment has gone. The moment that I was waiting for. I can
understand the fact that why he couldn't call me but my expectation was so large to suppress that. If we waited for one thing to happen at a special
moment and that didn't go that way, then its of no use even if it happens more
better some other time.
I couldn't tolerate this pain and my heart was fully broken.. Slowly I started to realize
that the magic between us is broken.Each day was getting worsen than the other.
I was too much worried what would happen if it continues like this.
Before I did
realize what way this lead to, that day came……………….
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